04 Sep Understanding Women in Relationships
Men commonly complain that understanding women in relationships is well-nigh impossible. Have you seen the book entitled What Men Know About Women? When you open the book, you find all the pages are completely blank!
Guys, there is hope! Here are three keys to help in understanding women in relationships:
Key #1: The plumbing of men and women is different. So is the wiring! The “wiring” refers to thinking differently. Naturally, cats chase mice and dogs chase cats. Why? Because they’re wired differently! Period.
Accept that your wife is wired differently; don’t complain about it, or wish her different: leave the differences and capitalize on them. Vive la difference!
I have wasted time wishing my wife was the same as me—in regards to sexual desire, for example. What I have learned is that these differences are actually designed by God to strengthen marriages, as husband and wife focus on meeting each other’s needs—and not just focus on their own. Open communication, honesty, and the desire to meet your spouse’s needs enhances interdependence and love.
A man’s natural desires and tendencies are different than a woman’s—marriage, then, becomes the most unique inter-connecting and fulfilling relationship on the planet—when we follow God’s design.
Key #2: Understanding women in relationships means men must also understand how men and women are motivated. What drives them to do what they do? Women are motivated by:
- relationship orientation
Obviously, I am generalizing. But the pattern holds true. Imagine four couples meet at a restaurant for dinner. Someone stands and says, “I have to visit the restroom. Anyone else want to come?” If a woman says this, it’s considered normal. If one of the guys were to say it, we’d raise our eyebrows and think he was weird!! Why? Men and women have separate and distinct, yet recognizable motivations.
Key #3: Men and women have different needs. Understanding women in relationships means you recognize that your wife may not need what you need!! Dr. Harley, in his book His Needs, Her Needs points out that when men and women list their top five needs, there are usually no elements the same on either list.
Most women have conversation as a top need. Men, on the other hand, don’t have to talk to be happy.
Most men identify sex as one of their top needs. Most women list sex as need #23, just below gardening!
- non-sexual touch
- feeling cherished and loved
… in this order, usually!
In Summary, Remember These Key Points:
Vive La Difference! Men and women think differently: accept this. Learn the differences and capitalize on them.
Many motivations tend to be gender-specific. This can create a wonderful partnership where husband and wife complement their spouse to make an interdependence.
Men and women have different, unique needs. Husbands, understanding women in relationships means focusing on your wife’s needs and not your own.