date night

The Power of the Weekly Date Night

Jim and Carrie often talk about having weekly date nights! Although they have missed a few, even with raising nine children, they’ve managed to fairly consistently have weekly date nights since 1988! Impressive, right?

They talk about ‘checking in’ with each other (eg., “how can I serve you this coming week?”), using the time to plan, ‘dating your spouse’, as well as having fun to keep the passion going.

Recently, I’ve been listening to Darren Hardy’s book the Compound Effect, and was reminded about the power of the weekly date night. I think Darren touches on something really important: we can say that we value our marriage and our spouse, but do our actions, calendars and priorities line up with that?

In his book, Darren explains that one of his goals is to deepen the love and intimacy of his marriage. To do that, he designs a weekly, monthly, and quarterly schedule. He writes:

Doesn’t sound too romantic, I know. But maybe you’ve noticed that, even when something’s a high priority for you, if it isn’t scheduled or on your calendar, it often doesn’t happen, right? Certainly not with the regularity you’ll need to get into any kind of rhythm.

Here’s how it works. Every Friday night is “date night”, and Georgia and I go out or do something special together. At 6 p.m., an alarm goes off on both of our iPhones, and no matter what we’re doing, date night is on!…Essentially sundown on Friday night until sunup on Sunday morning is time we devote to the marriage and family.

Every Sunday night, also at 6 p.m., we have our RR (Relationship Review). This is a practice I picked up from relationship experts Linda and Richard Eyre…During this time, we discuss the previous week’s wins, losses, as well as adjustments we need to make in our relationship. We start the conversation by telling each other a few things we have appreciated about the other during the previous week—it’s helpful to start with the good stuff. Then…we ask each other, “On a scale of one to ten (ten being the best), how would you rate our relationship this week?” This gets the discussion of wins and losses flowing…

Let’s dream for a second: is it possible that you’d get that much closer to the marriage of your dreams by making this a habit? Will you do what it takes to connect in a meaningful way with your spouse (every week if possible!) to deepen and strengthen the intimacy and love in your marriage?

Remember to lean in and do whatever it takes to honour, cherish and serve your spouse. The power of consistently connecting with your spouse is not to be under-estimated — that’s why Darren talks about the compound effect (small, consistent investments compounded over time equal huge gains)!