
21 Jan Challenges of Sex During Illness
This is Part 3 in a series of articles by Carrie about Sex During Illness
Four and a half months ago, I underwent an 8-hour brain surgery to repair a brain aneurysm. I am thankful to God for the many healthcare professionals whose expertise helped me through the surgery and recovery. God continues to pour out His grace in my life as I recover from the trauma of brain surgery. At this time, I have no need for therapy of any kind. I only use medication to help me sleep. I expect to have weaned myself off of the medication completely by Valentine’s Day!
During these past months, you can imagine what happened to what was previously a very healthy sexual relationship between Jim and I. Though sex was “put on hold” during the critical time of my illness, we learned that sexual intimacy could be restored! As I think back over my recovery, I recognize there are keys to overcoming medical challenges and renewing sexual intimacy. Here are tips to use when you are the spouse with an extended medical condition:
- Be Proactive About Getting Well: rest, take therapy, use prescribed medication properly, exercise, eat healthy in order to help your body recover and gain strength
- Do What You Can to Stay Encouraged: pray, read books or listen to podcasts that are motivational and help you have a positive outlook, play music you enjoy and that gives you a sense of well-being
- Be Cautious About What You Focus On: avoid feelings of self-pity; rather, become more sensitive to the needs of your spouse who is well
- Be Intentional About Physical Affection: keep kissing, cuddle often, be creative in how you bring your spouse to orgasm if intercourse isn’t a viable option
- Give Your Marriage the Best of You: as your strength improves, make sexual intimacy a priority and use your energy for your marriage relationship; realize that shopping or doing housework may sap your energy leaving little strength for sex
- Keep Saying “I love you”: your spouse is making sacrifices during the time you heal and recover; thank him/her for being understanding, for their support and the personal care they give you; those three little words are powerful in keeping the two of you connected emotionally!
Finally, during those times that do require abstinence from sex, it’s important to increase non-sexual touches and focus on deepening spiritual, intellectual, and emotional intimacy.