nurturing sex

20 Oct Why Nurturing Sex in Your Marriage is Great for Your Kids

Nurturing Sex Article written by Guest Blogger,
Julie Sibert, of Intimacy in Marriage

Like many self-absorbed American children, my sons appear somewhat indifferent to even my existence on any given day. Unless, of course, the milk jug is empty or they can’t find the blue Lego dude they were playing with “somewhere in the house” three weeks ago. Then, my opportunity to be the hero is very apparent. But having great sex with my husband? No, the kiddos are never going to give me accolades for that.

Of course, my kids are 5 and 12. The 5-year-old obviously doesn’t know what sex is, and the 12-year-old would just as soon not think of his parents having sex. Honestly, though, I think even if they were much closer to adulthood, they probably still wouldn’t give either of us a pat on the back for making sex a priority in our marriage.

So why, you may wonder, is nurturing sex so great for my kids? Can something so far off their radar really impact them at all? I believe it can.

Truth is, selfish little creatures that they are, children most hunger for something they can’t quite identify. What they need and want is the sense that mom and dad are in love. What brings harmony to the house – and ultimately to all who live in the house – is a husband and wife who pay very close attention to their marriage. Children know it when they feel it, even if they would never say it.

Now, I’m not naïve or mesmerized by some sort of romanticized fairytale. Trust me – I know how hard marriage is. There’s no sugar-coating the chaos and responsibilities that most married couples must navigate daily. That’s my world. It’s my husband’s world. And I would be willing to bet my last dime that it’s your world too.

Sex seems like such a negotiable, doesn’t it? After all, it’s not sex that is getting the lunches packed, the homework done and the dishes loaded into the dishwasher. It’s not sex that is making sure you have the three dozen cookies for the Scout meeting and the clean baseball pants for Thursday’s game. Nope. Sex isn’t doing any of those things. So does that mean sex isn’t critical to the wellbeing of your kids?

Here’s where the irony comes in. One of the most important gauges of health within a marriage – nurtured sexual intimacy – is often the first to be pushed to the sidelines, all in the name of things that must be done for the kids. It’s just an observation, but it seems that when we are allotting time, sex rarely survives the cut. That’s sad, because the benefits of sex are so amazing.

I speak from personal experience that when my husband and I nurture our sexual intimacy, our household runs better. We are kinder to one another. We extend more grace. We are calmer. I think we like each other better. That whole “one flesh” dynamic resonates well beyond the intensity of climax or the feeling of being in each other’s arms.

Now, if you as a couple have fallen into a pattern of no sex or very little sex, I realize that changing that pattern is not easy. Like I say to people – I’m a writer and speaker; I’m not a magician. There is power in small steps though. Walk in the direction of health. Learn how to appropriately show affection with your clothes on and then be open and intentional to what you do with your clothes off. And what you do with your clothes off – do it often.

Your kids may never come right out and thank you. But trust me – they’ll know. They’ll rest in the security and foundation of love. And they need that way more than they need clean baseball pants.

Julie Sibert writes and speaks on sexual intimacy in marriage. She blogs regularly at her site at Intimacy in Marriage, and can also be found on Facebook and on Twitter. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband Randall, their two sons and one slightly obnoxious German Shorthair Pointer puppy.