low expectations

Low Expectations will Hinder Your Marriage

Having low expectations for marriage and sex can be debilitating to a successful relationship and keep you from experiencing your dream marriage! We have examined some of the fundamental ways that Christianity, in our common experience, has transmitted a negative or minimalistic view of sex.

For many, many Christians, the following thoughts are widespread, and lead to the law of low expectations: expect little, and you’ll experience little!

  • God made sex, but to talk about it too much (especially in church!) puts undue emphasis on it.
  • The importance of sex in marriage is often over exaggerated.
  • Sex was meant to be private; talking openly about it just cheapens it.
  • Engaged couples these days don’t need preparation for sex in marriage: let them just discover for themselves what it’s all about. It will all work out just fine if they love each other.
  • Sex is good and all that—but to make it too important will end up hurting your marriage.
  • If you love God and love your spouse enough you won’t have sexual problems in your marriage.
  • Sexual frustrations in marriage will always happen—and it’s to teach you that sex shouldn’t really matter—get over it.


All of these sentiments are wrong! By thinking in this way, we buy into that negative attitude of not expecting much.

One celebrated Christian author and pastor writes:

“Our entertainment-saturated society helps feed all sorts of illusions about reality. The fantasy of the perfect romantic and sexual relationship, … all prove unattainable because the reality never lives up to the expectation…”

In other words, he is saying we should have low expectations!

We see another view when we take time to study the Bible! In it, we are challenged to expect great things from marriage and sex–providing of course that we apply biblical principles that allow us to experience God’s design for marriage.

Yes, it is hard work–but it is possible to have the marriage of your dreams! The key to success is rooted in exercising authentic love for your spouse and developing genuine intimacy.

Just because we have times that are difficult and challenging, doesn’t mean we should expect a lesser or poor relationship! On the contrary, let’s expect our dream marriage with God’s help in our marriage relationships! 

Read our articles on the other negative influences on the Christian mindset relating to attitudes about sex: