Help with Orgasms

Help with Orgasms

Guys reading this are thinking, “I don’t need help with orgasms!” But most women know what I mean when I talk about the elusive female orgasm, because women have to work harder to enjoy this experience!

When following God’s design, we discover there isn’t anything like an orgasm (even an elusive female orgasm!) within the context of marital intimacy! The problem comes when we don’t really understand how things work—and I’m not only talking about the plumbing! It’s important at this point, for couples to somehow get help with orgasms.

help with orgasmsMisinformation 
One huge problem is misunderstanding! If most women went by what they saw on TV or in the movies, or read in romance novels, they’d think something was wrong with them. No doubt, the worst thing of all in propagating misinformation is pornography. Despite what those who peddle pornography may tell you, orgasms (and sex drives, and sexuality in general!) are experienced much differently by men and women. Unless a couple recognizes these huge differences, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. There should be no embarrassment for needing help with orgasms! The husband may be frustrated, or feel inadequate because his wife has more difficulty climaxing than he does. His wife, on the other hand, may feel frustrated because neither she nor her husband realize that, for her, reaching orgasm may be a very long process!

Viva La Difference! 
Someone has wisely said that men are like microwaves, and women are like slow-cooking ovens! Men are stimulated by what they see, and so it doesn’t take much for a man to be ready for sex and “come”! Women tend to need much longer time, and the proper conditions to be ready. Comparatively, a man could climax much more quickly than a woman.

Books like “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”, “Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti”, “His Needs, Her Needs” all point to the tremendous differences between men and women emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. As we learn the differences, we are able to learn to better love our partner in the best way for them.

A Word to Husbands: Preparing for the Elusive Female Orgasm
Most husbands are surprised that their wives aren’t just looking for a climax—they want the cuddling, caressing, and romantic talking just as much! Whereas a husband could easily explode in orgasm very quickly, he has to restrain himself and focus on pleasing his wife first. This unhurried foreplay will lead her to the elusive female orgasm!

For most women, the following conditions help with orgasms:

  • a romantic setting free from distractions
  • feelings of being cherished and loved by her partner (without this, a wife may have great difficulty reaching orgasm)
  • a husband who patiently and softly kisses, talks lovingly, and cuddles (don’t go straight to her clitoris! But remember, for many women, stimulation of the clitoris is the key to her orgasm)
  • sufficient time and lubrication


Husbands and wives usually differ in how they are sexually stimulated, how quickly they are aroused, their need for foreplay to climax, and the intensity of the orgasm. As each one focuses on pleasing their lover, their experiences of orgasm further strengthen their sexual intimacy.