Foreplay Tips, Silver Bullets, and Oxytocin

Foreplay Tips, Silver Bullets, and Oxytocin

foreplay tips

When we think of intimacy and foreplay tips, most people think “sex”. However, sex is only the tip of the intimacy iceberg.

Actually, outstanding sex (the tip of the iceberg) is built on three other types of intimacy:

  • spiritual
  • intellectual
  • emotional


Here’s where it gets exciting: foreplay relating to these areas sets the stage for great sex!

  • look deeply in your wife’s eyes, and engage in meaningful conversation for 15 minutes (emotional)
  • affirm your wife’s interests, hobbies, and passions (intellectual)
  • hold hands and pray together (spiritual)


A few years ago, Carrie and I conducted an Intimate Couple Marriage Seminar in a nearby city. At one point, we were discussing the physiology of loving relationships and orgasm and referenced oxytocin, sometimes called the love, or cuddling hormone. The following day, one of the husbands submitted a question for our Q and A session:

“Where can I buy some of that oxytocin?”

I was somewhat shocked, and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry! First of all, you can’t buy it! Secondly, there is no wonder drug that is going to substitute for the wonderful complexities of foreplay.

The “Silver Bullet”

A “silver bullet” is a metaphor referring to something that will solve all your problems. Reading a list of suggestions to enhance sexual intimacy (even from our website) is not going to work magic—unless of course, there’s already some “magic” in your relationship!

Ways to bring arousal cannot replace:

  • the awareness of mutual love
  • a foundation of trust/mutual respect
  • an openness and honesty
  • commitment to a common future together
  • deep affection

Good foreplay really works when couples have the non-sexual foundation listed above. These are the spiritual, emotional, and intellectual sides of intimacy!

If you can’t seem to locate any silver bullets or oxytocin, focus on foreplay tips that address all four areas of intimacy.