Cheating in Marriage

Is there anything more devastating than a spouse cheating in marriage, and breaking their marriage vows? There are few pains deeper than infidelity; unfortunately, it happens much too often!

Nevertheless, God delights in taking broken relationships and mending them!

In fact, one of the most powerful stories of love in the Bible is based on infidelity in marriage: the story of Hosea and his immoral wife, Gomer. Here we have God’s man, Hosea, marrying a girl that was a prostitute. At some point soon after their marriage, she leaves her husband and returns to prostitution. Talk about cheating in marriage! Nevertheless, Hosea’s love for his bride (which, by the way, reflects God’s love to all of us) is demonstrated as he pursues her, takes her back, and forgives her.

With God’s help, any marriage can be restored—as long as both partners are willing to do the hard work necessary to restore intimacy. The first step when there has been an erosion in the marriage relationship is total honesty.

What are the signs of an affair? Well, there is no fool-proof way of determining this—but here are a few indicators to watch for:

Signs of an Affair

  • alienation of affection; emotional disconnection
  • unexplained, or poorly-explained time away from home
  • mood swings: between out-of-character kindness and heightened defensiveness
  • unaccounted money spent
  • little or no interest in sex
  • reduced experience of intimacy on every level (sexual, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual)
  • inordinate amount of time spent on internet chat rooms, with no accountability
  • new, or uncharacteristic interest in dressing up before going out
  • secretive behaviours; over-defensiveness when asked about questionable actions
  • eroding trust
  • classical signs of a guilty conscience

Cheating in Marriage of a Different Kind

We talk of infidelity, sexual liaisons, and affairs when someone talks about cheating in marriage. There are different kinds of “infidelity” for even the most faithful to watch out for:

  • putting the interests of others ahead of your spouse’s interests
  • being a workaholic and not spending enough time with your partner
  • allowing outside pressures to steal time away from your marriage relationship
  • spending lots of time on the computer or watching TVwhen you could be with your spouse
  • excluding your spouse in sports activities and hobbies that take you away for long periods of time
  • confiding in someone of the opposite sex rather than your spouse
  • developing an emotional liaison with a friend of the opposite sex without your partner’s knowledge

Although discovering signs of an affair in your marriage is devastating, there is hope! The first step is confronting your partner and moving the relationship toward honesty and heart-felt repentance.

Since the best remedy is prevention, focus your attention on developing intimacy in your relationship!